The Bright Side of Loneliness, The Dark Side of Love

                Although I have only just completed part one, I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak is by far one of the most intriguing and exciting books I’ve ever read.  One part I find especially interesting is Ed’s first encounter with Milla, the old woman whose address is written on the ace of diamonds for him to visit.

                As Ed first enters Milla’s home, she says, “I knew you’d come, Jimmy”, and greets who she believes to be Jimmy with a warm hug (Zusak 50).  Ed’s reaction is different than expected.  I was anticipating that he would tell the old woman that she has made a mistake, identify himself, and they would proceed to chat and get to know each other, becoming nothing more than friends or mere acquaintances.  However, I was wrong.  Ed goes along with it, acting as if he is and always has been Milla’s late husband, Jimmy.

                I find this to be interesting because it feels so natural to Ed.  There are many times in the book where Zusak runs through the Ed’s thoughts and emotions in a situation, but this is not one of those times.  There is no mention of what he is thinking, there is only what happens. What he does.  The way he handles this situation tells me a lot about Ed’s life.  It tells me that he is lacking love in his life, and he craves a relationship so much that he puts himself in one for a short while.  The love he is denied from his family and friends is being offered to him by Milla, and in the heat of the moment he takes it because it’s what he’s been searching for his whole life.  In this moment, he falls in love with the idea of being loved, and takes the opportunity.

                Although Milla’s love temporarily fills the void in Ed’s life, the sad truth is that it’s not meant for him.  It’s meant for Jimmy, the real Jimmy, who is actually dead.  Primarily, this scene makes me feel happy because it seems to me as if Ed is finally getting his chance to be loved. That he is finally going to be happy.  That his life is finally complete.  That he doesn’t have to feel empty anymore.  But this scene also makes me feel sad because when I really look at the scene, I see a man who has nothing.  I see a man who has loved, and lost.  I see a man who gives more than he gets.  I see a man who is so desperate for love that he’ll take it from anybody, even if it’s not for him.  It really is a sad scene because although Milla’s love is making Ed feel better, it’s short-term relief; it will not last forever like having his own special someone would. 

                Despite the sad side to this relationship, it really does bring a lot to the book.  Milla’s loving attitude towards Ed gives him hope for himself.  He begins to think that if this old woman can care so much for a man who isn’t even alive anymore, someone can love him for who he is; he just hasn’t found them yet.